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The Sal "Scoop" Palazzo Column

MASTERS TOURNAMENT IN TURMOIL!

PLAYER RESIGNATIONS, NEW PLAYER CONTROVERSY, AND BRIBE SCANDAL ROCKS THE NPPL TO IT'S CORE!

Two weeks from this Saturday, the 11th annual NPPL Masters Tournament will Commence.  It is the most treasured & sacred tournament in the NPPL.  Only players held in the highest regard are permitted to play, and it is a cherished honor to be given a Master roster spot.  One that is not given up or given out easily.

But you would never know it from the events of the last 48 hours. In that time period, we've had 3 player resignations, 7 new player proposals (complete with bribes being taken & proposed by current masters to ensure certain people being voted in), whining & complaining from a bitter old ex-Master, and bickering back and forth to the point where one player simply gave up his roster spot because he couldn't take it anymore. 

This isn't even bush league.  Quite frankly, it's more dysfunctional than a WWE storyline.

MEYER, CARMODY & BREEN RESIGN

It all started when Adam Meyer &  James Carmody abruptly resigned from the league.  The reasons given from Meyer were vague--it seems that he's in a financial bind to make such a trip, given that he now lives in New Jersey and it's quite an travel expense to come to L.A.  Carmody offered no reason for his departure--the mysterious Master simply quit just as fast as his bitch slap granted him entry.  Two days later, Breen also resigned (more on that later), and Sean Walsh is unable to attend this year due to work commitments, leaving a gaping hole in what was once a strong Master's roster.  The league hasn't seen this kind of mass exodus since 2003, when the golden pig shattered in a drunken escapade & the events of which led to half the roster being removed.  Back then, the roster overhaul was a necessary rebuild.  The league was struggling at the gate and was trying to escape it's dungeons & dragons-like "nerd club" stigma that was consuming it.  New players were necessary to make the league hip & give it the credibility needed to grow into the massive event that is now the Pig Madness tournaments in Los Angeles & Chicago.  In short, the best thing that ever happened.  This rebuild, however, is as unfortunate as it is disturbing.  The 4 ex-Masters were very important cogs in the machine, ones that are not easily replaceable.  Which leads us to part 2 of this debacle.........

7 NEW MASTERS PROPOSED

From there, a new proposal was put forth in an emergency NPPL meeting which is akin to Obama's stimulus plan. In what appears to some as a necessary retooling of the roster and to others reeks of desperation,  a record SEVEN new masters have been put on an emergency ballot to be voted on in a 48 hour period.  While this writer is not permitted to reveal the list of names on the ballot, let's just say that not all of them are worthy of a Masters spot.  As you can imagine, this has led to arguments back and forth over who should be elected, complete with drunken phone calls, texts, threats, bribes, payoffs, enough emails to crash an inbox, and one resignation.  Yes, you read that correctly:  2007 Masters Champion Matt Breen was so disgusted with what he called "the pathetic state" of pigs, that he quit the Masters. There has been some debate as to his possibly leaving anyway because of his move to Philadelphia (and Williams questioning who wears the pants in his marriage) but there is no doubting that the bickering had a lot to do with it.  The final straw seemed to be when Elvis Greene, former Master and current founder of the non-existent East Coast Division,  seemingly disagreed with everything that was put forth in the discussions and threw derogatory insults around like he was giving out candy on Halloween. Note to Elvis--maybe you should worry about your own East Coast Division, which currently has no less than 5 former Masters in it, but yet can't even do so much as to have a beer with one another, let alone have a tournament.  The west coast has bigger fish to fry.......like the recent scandal that has just reared it's ugly head........

RUMOURS OF BRIBES & PAYOFFS FOR THE NEW MASTERS SPOTS

In what can only be described as "pathetic",  a story broke this evening that there have been bribes offered to Masters to ensure that one of the 7 candidates on the ballot "gets in" to the hallowed club.  Because this story is ongoing and has just hit the press, I don't have any other details at the moment. Rest assured that more information will follow as soon as this story unfolds.  However, if what is rumored is true, it will stain the league worse than BALCO & The A-Rod steroid fiasco will affect MLB.  At this point, any new Masters voted in this year may need an asterisk next to their names due to the shady circumstances.  Shame on the NPPL for allowing this to happen under it's watch.  And shame on the Masters for letting their little club sink so low that you may have more rookies than veterans this year.  But lost in all of this nonsense is one important issue.  Probably the most important issue of all.

Whatever happened to just rolling the pigs and trying to get to 100 before your opponent? 

---When he’s not hung over or at the strip joints, Scoop has been a freelance writer for the NPPL for many years, and now…he has his own column.  A dedicated fan of the Pigs and the NPPL for many years, Scoop has always voiced his true feelings of the league – good or bad.  His no-holds-barred approach and unmerciful opinions have led to almost-chaos throughout the entire league and its fanbase.  Why would the NPPL hire an alcoholic, mobster wanna-be, blow-snorting writer that hates most of human society…  for his love of the Pigs.  That’s right - The Love of the Pigs.  Check back every week to read his new columns and see who’s life he fucks up next! 

---Disclaimer:  The opinions or comments expressed by Sal “Scoop” Palazzo in this column are those of the author only, and not of the NPPL, nor should it be a reflection thereof. 

Check back next week to read Scoop's next column:  "JAIL TERMS FOR PAYOLA SCANDAL?"

To read previous Scoop Palazzo articles click here!!

February 11, 2009