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The Sal "Scoop" Palazzo Column
FLAWED, BUT FANTASTIC, MEYER MAKES HISTORY
CHARACTER ISSUES ASIDE, WINS MASTERS TITLE GOING AWAY
"So Being A Master Means Being A Pig Passer Held In High Regard?" was a question that I was recently asked by a future Chicago NPPL member over a few beers. "One that should be looked up to as a standard bearer of pigs?"
Well, here's the short answer.
Hell No!
Probably the biggest misconception of the NPPL Masters division is that to archive the honor & privilege of playing in the Masters Tournament, one must adhere to a strict code of integrity, honor, and respect for the game of Pigs to be granted entry to the exclusive club. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. In the 11 years of the NPPL's existence, there have been no less than 4 Masters Champions who have been banished from the league for detrimental behavior involving the game. Another champion who locked the trophy in his closet, never to be displayed during his year on top. There has been the shattering of the original golden pig during a drunken shitshow, an east coast Master who pissed on a computer after a match, yet another Master who's wallowed in mud, and 2 others who engaged in "an unwarranted & unnecessary sex act" at a Masters afterparty. Trashed hotel rooms, in-game brawls, over the top partying, I could go on & on, but I think the point is made. The bottom line is simply winning, not how one conducts themselves in society. To be a flawed & degenerate Masters Champion almost makes perfect sense. Which is why we may have the most perfect Champion to date...
Adam Meyer
Yes, the same Adam Meyer who wussed out of a "Hair vs Hair" match & won Pig Madness III has now gone on to win the 2009 Masters Championship after quitting the league, then to re-enter at the last minute, further enraging those who hold the NPPL in high regard. In fact, it's a miracle that he even made it to the tournament at all, after driving almost to Bakersfield when looking for a Los Angeles bar the night before. The same Adam Meyer who, up until a few hours before game time, debated going to the beach and blowing off the Masters completely. In the end, he reluctantly decided to play, but not before asking his opponents to "play outside" so he can work on his tan.
One would think this attitude would sink Meyer faster than a torpedo sank the Lusitania, that he would be lucky to finish ahead of bottom feeder Gary Williams when the dust settled on the regular season. But what did the attitude get him? A 19-11 record, good enough to win the division & be granted a 1st round bye in the playoffs. The other masters seethed. Meyer laughed and kept partying, cocky as ever.
To rub salt in the wound, he dominated a playoff field that was perhaps the strongest in Masters History, with every other playoff participant from the year before qualifying again this time around. In the semi-finals he defeated Perry Day (the defending champion & man he ducked in the "Hair Match" 2 years ago) which was immediately followed by more knife twisting when he crushed Autograph Mike (the man who took Meyer's place in that match, only to be humiliated & have his head shaved bald) in the Finals 4 games to 1. When it was all over, no one was quite sure what hit them. Only that Adam Meyer was the best from start to finish on this day.
MEYER IS FIRST TO WIN BOTH MAJOR TITLES--LEGACY SECURE
In the end, the tournament was a solid, yet predictable one. The 3 new rookies played like first timers, finishing with losing records and were a non factor throughout the day, finishing ahead of only "The Landlord Of Last Place", Gary Williams. This left the seasoned veterans to battle for the gold, and Meyer earned the title, especially by knocking off defending champ Day in the playoffs, even beating Day at his own game by rolling conservatively instead of his usual 40 point attempts which worked for him at Madness, but is a flawed approach in an experienced Masters tournament. He showed something this year that he hadn't before. Adaptability.
Now he can add his 2009 Masters championship to his Pig Madness III title, which suddenly leapfrogs Meyer into the stratosphere. No one else can say that they've held both titles. He clearly deserves a current #1 ranking in the NPPL.
And what was his first comment after winning last week? What eloquent words would immediately flow out of the champion's mouth after he made history?
"I'm glad I skipped the beach today. Hopefully it's nice tomorrow"
What was that again about Master's Integrity? Honor? Respect?
Fuck that noise! Just win, baby!
---When he’s not hung over or at the strip joints, Scoop has been a freelance writer for the NPPL for many years, and now…he has his own column. A dedicated fan of the Pigs and the NPPL for many years, Scoop has always voiced his true feelings of the league – good or bad. His no-holds-barred approach and unmerciful opinions have led to almost-chaos throughout the entire league and its fanbase. Why would the NPPL hire an alcoholic, mobster wanna-be, blow-snorting writer that hates most of human society… for his love of the Pigs. That’s right - The Love of the Pigs. Check back every week to read his new columns and see who’s life he fucks up next!
---Disclaimer: The opinions or comments expressed by Sal “Scoop” Palazzo in this column are those of the author only, and not of the NPPL, nor should it be a reflection thereof.
Check back next week to read Scoop's next column: "Masters or Wussies??"
To read previous Scoop Palazzo articles click here!!
March 8, 2009
