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The Sal "Scoop" Palazzo Column
FIRST IMPRESSIONS? NOT GOOD!
NEW ROOKIE MASTERS HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO IN ORDER TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY
Now that it's been about 2 months since the 2009 Masters tournament in West Hollywood, it's a good time to reflect on the results & players in an objective manner. When doing so, the first order of business is to analyze any new blood that joined the coveted ranks in order to get a feeling of their pig worthiness. This years event featured 3 new members, the most at any one time since the reconstruction of the league in 2004. In what was a tense vote earlier this year, 5 members were chosen from a field of 8 in order to "grow the ranks" due to a few masters leaving the federation in the offseason. Only 3 of the newbies played in this years event, but it was enough to bring loads of excitement to the ranks. How good would these players be? Could they make the post season? Maybe even win a round? More importantly, even if they were a little green in the competition, they surely would energize the event with wide eyed rookie enthusiasm, right?
Well, I'm here to report that the rookie class of Matt Jansen, Luke Derango, and Rich Wachofsky did accomplish one thing that day.
They showed up. In literal terms, at least. Figuratively, they never even answered the bell. All 3 had losing records & missed the playoffs. Sadly, they added even less in the way of energy. Quite frankly, the guards at Buckingham palace showed more emotion that these guys! It was so bad that you couldn't even tell if they won or lost after a match--expressions ranged from glum faces to confusion, to almost apathy. One veteran pig master even said "The only expression they mustered was an idiot stare!"
MASTERS DROPPED THE BALL THIS YEAR
Ironically, there were a few veteran pig passers that saw this coming. "The new guys just weren't strong personalities", said one. "they're just tryin to fill the ranks outta desperation". Sadly, after careful analyzation, this is proven to be accurate to some degree. None of the new players had been brought to the NPPL's attention for masters admission until about a month prior. While some were voted in fairly easily, there was much discussion that all had some key elements missing to truly be masters. There were concerns that all had enough flaws that could prove detrimental to their success in the tournament. It was said by one that the NPPL was letting "any Tom, Dick and Harry" join the Masters ranks. But in the end, they could prove the doubters wrong. Surely the masters couldn't be this short sighted, right?
TROUBLE RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE
But just as sure as the sun rises every morning, the flaws were very apparent from the get go. Washofsky never seemed to fully recover after learning good friend John Coscia wanted no part of him in the exclusive club. "When you looked in his eyes, it was like a candle was blown out" said one master. "Cosh snubbing him was a kick in the balls". Janssen seemed to be timid, with little in the way of trash talking, and snuck out the back door with Vergos before the tourney ended, not the greatest way to show your new masters pride. And Luke Derango proved to be what many in the NPPL feared he would be--Johnny Derango lite. This may have been the biggest disappointment of all, considering he flew in from Chicago & tore up the pig circuit the night before the big event, winning plenty of games against a few of his opponents during non sanctioned games. "It looked like he shot his load the night before. He was dead to the world. Too much boozin." said the room service guy who watched a couple of his matches after delivering food to the suite after the 4th round.
A LEARNING EXPERIENCE & HOPE FOR NEXT YEAR
In the end, despite the sad results, there is reason to believe that all 3 can turn it around in time. One only has to look at past history to draw this conclusion. Mark Rago was a non factor for many years early in his career. Now he's one of the strongest players in the league. The same goes for Perry Day, who didn't win a title until his 8th year. And even Gary Williams, victim of Swine Flu & perennial last place loser, won a Masters championship once. Sometimes in order to win, you have to experience the losing and learn from it. The good news is that with the summer tournament season fast approaching, there will be lots of pig passing that these guys will experience. If they are smart, they will learn from every match they play this summer. Roll by roll. Game by game. Winning something this year probably isn't likely, but taking a small step forward can improve confidence quickly in a pathetically silly game such as this. Hopefully with a full year of Masters status under their belt, these guys can improve their pig passing. And everybody will remember the names "Matt, Rich & Luke"
For their sake, anyway. Otherwise they'll be mixed up with 3 others.
Tom, Dick & Harry
---When he’s not hung over or at the strip joints, Scoop has been a freelance writer for the NPPL for many years, and now…he has his own column. A dedicated fan of the Pigs and the NPPL for many years, Scoop has always voiced his true feelings of the league – good or bad. His no-holds-barred approach and unmerciful opinions have led to almost-chaos throughout the entire league and its fanbase. Why would the NPPL hire an alcoholic, mobster wanna-be, blow-snorting writer that hates most of human society… for his love of the Pigs. That’s right - The Love of the Pigs. Check back every week to read his new columns and see who’s life he fucks up next!
---Disclaimer: The opinions or comments expressed by Sal “Scoop” Palazzo in this column are those of the author only, and not of the NPPL, nor should it be a reflection thereof.
Check back next week to read Scoop's next column: "Will an Eastern Division finally come to light??"
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May 10, 2009
