The Zen of Pigs

"How to defeat your opponent in ten easy rolls...

...or how to defeat yourself in one."

by

Master Elvis

Focus and confusion, these are the two paths all must face at the

gaming table, and in life.  Focus is absolute.  Intent of purpose and

never failing in its clarity.  Confusion is disarray.  A shambles of

what once was or could have been.  Confusion is a prism that turns

white light into individual paths of color, their unity forever

broken.

Focus is a perfect pee into a toilet without lifting the lid.

Confusion is someone whizzing on my computer in a drunken stooper.

However, with the right training, the shards of light can be

refocused.  The proverbial seat can be dried.  The computer cleaned.

Many pig passers have said the words "The pigs have gone sour." or

"The pigs have left me."  Who, in their many hours at the table, has

not heard at least one serious roller say "I can't roll shit!"  They

are the players who have passed through the prism, their light broken.

They are unfocused.  A vision of disarray and defeat.  They blame the

table.  They blame the pigs.  They blame the players.  They should

blame themselves.

The true pig master is one who defies the laws of nature.  No, not

like a circus freak with one eye and a bent johnson, but one who is a

solid beam of white light, unfazed by the changing environment, who

enters the prism of confusion and retains his focus, only to emerge

from the other side a singular beam of white light.

Unchanged...undaunted.  Resolute and determined.  Steadily approaching

the finish line.  A victory of the mind, body, and spirit.  Total

control of the emotions.  Total control of the self.

This is the ideal for which true pig masters strive.  Their thirst for

self improvement, for knowledge, and conquest.  So let it be learned,

from this point forward, that to control the pigs one must learn to

control the self.  One must practice to become a beam of light,

unbroken.  It is not easy to walk through a valley of thorns and leave

without a scratch.  But to master the art of pigs, you must do exactly

that.  Become impermeable and solid.  A stain resistant carpet in the

living room of life.  Immune to pet dander and odor.

Take these lessons and apply them at the table and you will surely win

the majority of your games (for in reality, no one master can win them

all, and it is only in defeat that we learn to improve.)

Practice your pigs often.  Practice with a friend, or practice alone.

(the same rules, incidentally, can be applied to sex)

Roll your pigs in precarious situations until you reach 10 points, and

then stop.   For example, try this exercise:  Roll the pigs on the

conveyor belt at the grocery store and reach your goal of 10 before

the pigs are sucked into the abyss. or roll on the seat of a roller-

coaster before you go over the first drop.  Roll where there are

distractions.  Roll until you reach 10 points.  Then stop, in essence,

passing the pigs.   Pass the pigs through a world of distraction.

Learn the number 10 and learn to pass in time...and you will have all

you need to win in 10 rolls.

The pig passers who rolls until 10 points is accrued and passes

ultimately throws away less points then he who rolls wild for an

undetermined length of time.  Wastes less energy, and has less chance

of losing focus.  If you do this, you can win in 10 rolls.  Most

likely, an untrained opponent will lose their focus and go for a

massive victory that will not come.  While you make a steady, stable,

and focused climb to victory they go balls out and throw away hundreds

of points.  You will pass through the prism as a solid beam of light.

But be warned...

Self doubt, belief in your own failure is predestination.  Believe

that you will lose and it will be so.  If you approach a table with

the idea in your heart that you cannot win, or you have suffered too

many loses to overcome, then you have already defeated yourself and

your rolls will reflect that.  You will be a scattered lot of color.

Chaos. You have defeated yourself on the first roll.  Don't bother

throwing another.   ...until you recapture your focus.  Until you

regain your clarity.   ...or else...your pigs will suck.

Every roll is a fresh start.  Every turn is a new beginning.  Learn to

focus to 10 and then you can learn to focus to 20.  Learn to focus to

20 and you will win in 5 rolls.  Learn to focus to 25 and you will

walk in 4.  But first, you must master yourself.  Believe your rolls

will go to 10.  Believe you will win in 10 rolls.  Then make it so.

You are a solid beam of light riding on the wings of pigs.  You are

ethereal, eternal, untouchable, and in harmony with all things wild

yet restrained.  Control chaos and you control yourself.  Pass the

pigs...do not let the pigs pass you.

Always remember, no matter what happens at the table and in life,

there is one common law that binds all things...

...you must know when to pass the pigs!

Zen

  of

Pigs

The

First Scripture