The Zen of Pigs

"Where There is Smoke...There is Fire"

by

Master Elvis

Many, many years ago a Pig Master and his pupil were sitting on a

wooden bridge with their feet hanging over the edge.  The water from

the stream flowed beneath them and the lush forests chirped and sang

with flocks of morning birds.  The summer was coming to an end and

many pigs had been thrown.  Times were good.  Victories abounded and

although defeats were plenty the wounds were healing.

"Master," The young pupil said, his voice soft and calm, but filled

with boundless curiosity.  "What are Hot Pigs?"

The master smiled, the answer coming to him easily,  "Beautiful

promiscuous women that you meet at an Aerosmith concert."  He said

calmly.

"No master, I mean, in the world of professional pig passing." The

student clarified.  "What are Hot Pigs?"

"Oh, you mean Fire Pigs."

"Fire Pigs?"  the pupil asked.  It was a term he never heard before.

His next lesson had begun.

..and so has yours.

Fire Pigs happens.  It's a bumper sticker I'd like to see produced

someday.  Some call them Hot Pigs.  Or in the common tongue, it is

referred to as being "In The Zone".  Coming from the Greek, Pigleous

Hotdominea, Hot Pigs are an anomaly comparable to the mysterious dark

matter of the universe.  They exist, but cannot be calculated or

predicted.

Many pig passers have suddenly found themselves in the zone, but it

was not something that was planned.  Never, in the world of pig

passing, has a pig passer ever used Hot Pigs as part of his or her

strategy.

For example, it is unlikely that you will ever hear a pig passer say

"I'm going to roll easy until I reach 30 points and then I'm going

Fire Pigs on his ass."  Why?  Because one does not predict Fire Pigs.

One does not have premeditated Fire Pigs.  One "experiences" Fire

Pigs.

Fire Pigs is a phenomenon that many pig passers have witnessed.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere, some chowder head who couldn't roll a

pig to save his life starts rolling razorbacks like they are hot

cakes.  They'll amass 20, 30, 40, 50 points or more without breaking a

sweat.  It's amazing to watch.  But how is it done?  How does one

instigate Fire Pigs?  How does one utilize this amazing phenomenon to

their advantage?  Many feel it is impossible.

I have thought long and hard about this.  I have studied the rubber of

the pigs, I have studied the pink paint on the feet and snout...I have

rolled a lot of freakin pigs...and I think I've uncovered the secret

of Fire Pigs.  I am willing to share it with you now.

I believe that Fire Pigs occurs when a pig passer has achieved the

perfect balance of his or her mental and physical game.  Like the

beating of a drum, those who develop Fire Pigs in a match most often

will develop a rhythm.  A cadence, so to speak, similar to soldiers on

a 10 mile run.  The pigs will be rolled and they'll be scooped up so

fast that you can barely keep score.  Speedy Pigs.  Boom.  Boom.

Boom. And the points go up.

Some, however, are so in tune with the pigs that when their Fire Pigs

happens they could go for a cup of coffee and come back to the table

and bounce out a double snouter.  But, in my professional opinion,

that has more to do with luck and standard skill then with Fire Pigs.

Many times a Pig Passer will be doing great with 2 or 3 big rolls, but

then they'll stop for a second to think, and when they roll again, pig

out.  We've all seen this happen.  It's that break in the cadence that

kills a pig passer's chances of Fire Pigs.

(As a historical side note, one of the first occurrences of Fire Pigs

was performed by Geoff Richcreek in the world's first Piganapolis

500 held back in 1999.  He rolled with blinding speed and earned

himself the name Blitzcreek.  His point tally grew so fast that he

easily cleared the 500 mark before anyone else really even got out of

the gate.   However, in years to come, while he attempted the

Blitzcreek style he never found the same success.  I do believe that

he was in the zone that night.  That he had unintentionally achieved

Fire Pigs.  He didn't try to plan it, it just happened.  And later,

when he did try to plan it, it failed.   This is, of course, just my

own observation and has never been proven to be a fact.)

I often think of The Man In Black, (no...not Will Smith or Tommy Lee

Jones) of course I mean Mr. Johnny Cash when he sings about the little

shoe shine boy who gets a rhythm (Get Rhythm).  When you start

rolling...when you have no fear...when you feel that you have the game

in hand...when you find your rhythm...when you are really having fun

and enjoying the competition...you know exactly what you're doing and

you know you're going to be successful...you will be a little shoe

shine boy.

(Well, I sat down to listen to the shoeshine boy

And I thought I was gonna jump for joy

Slapped on the shoe polish left and right

He took a shoeshine rag and he held it tight

He stopped once to wipe the sweat away

I said you're a mighty little boy to be-a workin' that way

He said I like it with a big wide grin

Kept on a poppin' and he said again

Get rhythm when you get the blues)

I suppose in the world of shoe shines they call it Fire Shoes.  Either

way it results in a payday.  (or from the Greek, Andlesay Hotdominea

Paylayday)

However, keep in mind that one cannot naturally, or intentionally,

cause Fire Pigs.  (At least no passer that I have ever met has

achieved this.)  For if that were the case, everyone would have Fire

Pigs. You can, however, put yourself in the right position to

instigate Fire Pigs.  By focusing your game, the physical and mental

aspects of it, and by developing a rhythm, I believe you can set the

stage for Fire Pigs to take over.  This is possible to achieve.  You

can create the perfect storm where all of the pieces of the puzzle are

in place for the phenomenon to occur.

And I suggest, should Fire Pigs ever occur to you while you're in the

midst of competition, that you simply embrace it and roll the rubber

off them oinkers.

How will you know when it happens?  Because you will suddenly realize

that you are incapable of rolling a bad pig.  You will realize that

your momentum seems to be causing the pigs to land in the perfect

position.  You will realize that you cannot be defeated, that you

cannot lose, that this game is yours.  Your timing will be perfect.

Your body will move in a perfect rhythm, you swill step outside of

yourself and raise above the table only to say "Damn...those are some

hot pigs!"

You will know it when it happens.

There are many who feel that the pigs respond to individual players.

That the pigs know when you are "hot" and when you're not.  In this

instance, it is the pigs themselves that determine when Fire Pigs will

occur.  That it is the pigs themselves that are controlling the

outcome of the game.  That the pigs are more than rubber molds.  That

the pigs are an extension of the player.  That the pigs choose who

will win and who will lose.  That they have a life of their own.  And

if that is the case, then it is possible to communicate with them

directly.

But that is another lesson entirely.

Embrace your Fire Pigs and remember, as always, to know when to pass the pigs.

(Should you ever get the opportunity I suggest listening to the

following Johnny Cash song and think upon this lesson of obtaining a

rhythm.  Perhaps it will encourage you to find your own cadence.   The

lyrics are as follows:)

Johnny Cash - Get Rhythm

Hey, get rhythm when you get the blues

Hey, get rhythm when you get the blues

A jumpy rhythm makes you feel so fine

It'll shake all the troubles from your worried mind

Get rhythm when you get the blues

A Little shoeshine boy never gets low down

But he's got the dirtiest job in town

Bendin' low at the peoples' feet

On the windy corner of the dirty street

Well, I asked him while he shined my shoes

How'd he keep from gettin' the blues

He grinned as he raised his little head

Popped a shoeshine rag and then he said

Get rhythm when you get the blues

Hey, get rhythm when you get the blues

It only costs a dime, just a nickel a shoe

Does a million dollars worth of good for you

Get rhythm when you get the blues

Hey,get rhythm when you get the blues

Yeah , get rhythm when you get the blues

It's a jumpy rhythm makes you feel so fine

It'll shake all your troubles from your worried mind

Get rhythm when you get the blues

Well, I sat down to listen to the shoeshine boy

And I thought I was gonna jump for joy

Slapped on the shoe polish left and right

He took a shoeshine rag and he held it tight

He stopped once to wipe the sweat away

I said you're a mighty little boy to be-a workin' that way

He said I like it with a big wide grin

Kept on a poppin' and he said again

Get rhythm when you get the blues

Hey, get rhythm when you get the blues

Get a rock'n'roll feelin' in your bones

Taps on your toes and get gone

Get rhythm when you get the blues

Zen

  of

Pigs

The

Third Scripture